Biography: Picking Up the Pieces Part 2

Picking Up the Pieces: Daniel

My heartbeat bludgeoned the silence as I stared at the two words on my phone. "You suck." My best friend, Sloan, was asleep with her head in the toilet in defeat of a successful birthday night. I so badly wanted to ask for her advice, but since everyone in the apartment was comatose, I allowed my emotions to take control and ring his number.

"Who the hell do you think you are sending me something like that?"

"Hannah?? Hold on, don't go anywhere. I have to get out of here."

"What are you talking about?!"

Daniel was in Cabo for spring break and had sent me the text message drunk at a club with his friends. I learned as soon as he broke away from the club and started heading home as he explained with me on the phone. This infuriated me even more. Daniel could hardly utter any words against my fervent wrath. Why now? Why would you say that? Why after all this time? Do you know how you hurt me? Why can't you pretend I never existed like I had with you?

After I had no more fire to spit, there was a long pause. I heard sniffling on the other end before...

"I have been sending you messages everywhere for the past two years. And finally this one silly, irrelevant text message I sent out of sheer bitterness miraculously went through."

It seemed like time froze. My mind was swirling. The exhaustion from the partying and yelling at ghosts from the past took its toll on me to which I could only respond:

"Bullshit. You're pathetic and I don't believe you."

I hung up. He tried calling again and again. I put my phone on mute and passed out along with the rest of my friends.

A hangover wasn't the only thing hanging over me the following day. The ghost of Christmas past that was Daniel just intercepted my life right when I was in the midst of picking up the pieces that James left. I was surprised and pleased with myself for shutting it down the way I did, but my shoulders grew two miniature versions of myself. Instead of devil and angel, this was Smart Bitch and Dumb Bitch. The Smart Bitch says I should resume as I was without Daniel resurfacing and conquer my fragile heart. The Dumb Bitch was asking all these questions like: Why was he bitter? Did he really try to contact me relentlessly over the years? What would that mean anyway?

Needless to say, Dumb Bitch convinced me that I, too, am much too curious about what fate this might bring. I contacted Daniel the second day. I only asked one question:

"Why after all this time?"

Daniel told me that he has been devastated and grieving since I blocked him his senior year of high school. Me still being in a vicious state, I denied it. That would mean he missed me while dating my ex-best friend, Emma, for over a year. I distastefully blurted at him that he was only feeling this way because Emma couldn't remain faithful for a second of him leaving for West Point. Before I could feel awful about exposing a secret that wasn't mine to share, Daniel assured me he found out on his own and admitted he wasn't phased by Emma's actions, as he confessed he never loved her to begin with.

My ears were ringing. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. All I remember is saying "no. Absolutely not. No. No, it can't be."

Daniel interrupts me and explains that the worst mistake of his life was comprising as much as our friendship all to experience a relationship that never meant anything. He grieved not only missing out on being anything more with me, but also missing out on everything that's happened in my life that he wishes he was there for as a friend. I still wasn't buying any of it. Daniel caught the drift and defeated, stated,

"I don't deserve the friendship you once gave me and I won't ask you of anything. But if you let me, I'll do anything to prove I can be the friend I should've been to you all along."

I felt nauseous. I told him I had to go and he understood. Before I hung up he said "I'll always keep trying."

Days went by without me contacting him. His last words lingered in my head like a song I can't shake.

Me, feeling radiant at The Great Lawn in New York City